Vet Emergency, Not Vet Emergency

There seems to be some confusion with people calling the answering service to have me paged for an emergency.  Some people have legitimate concerns while others are just out there. Here are some of my real life examples,

Hit by Car, train, Fed Ex Truck, 4-wheeler, haybine,  potential Veterinary Emergency.

I gave my cat it's pill but I think it spit it out so I gave it another one and now I have found the 1st one, at midnight, Just wanted to let you know.  NOT veterinary emergency.

Ate rat poison, pack of sugar free gum, bag of chocolate, entire bottle of owners blood pressure, anxiety, pain...meds, potential veterinary emergency.

Licked a toad, NOT veterinary emergency (at least in this area) (and I'm sure you could google that as well as I could)

Vomiting for 4 days, potential veterinary emergency (but why didn't you call at 3 1/2 days when we were still open)

Gave my cat a Fire and Ice logenze and now it is drooling and I am a truck driver 2000 miles away from you.   NOT  (my)  veterinary emergency.  and stop giving your cat fire and ice logenzers.

Can't breathe, can't stand, can't move, can't wake up, all legitimate veterinary emergencies,

I had my dog euthanized 2 weeks ago and was told the ashes would be back in about a week.  I called the cremation place and they will have them to the clinic tomorrow.  Why didn't I get them back in a week.
I am sorry that because of the snow and ice the return of your ashes has been delayed, but THIS IS NOT a veterinary emergency. 

Hope this clears things up.